At the beginning of tonight’s Atheist Experience, Matt Dillahunty announced that this would be his last show.

“Well,” I thought, “if I’m going to call in, it’s now or never.”

You see, in an earlier video, I had heard Matt say that he had never had a believer tell him, “Yes, I believe, but I don’t expect you to believe just because I believe.” And I wanted to be the one to tell him before he left. The call screener decided it wasn’t, I don’t know, important enough or debative enough or combative enough to be featured tonight, and they were getting a ton of calls, so he said thanks and have a good evening.

“Wait! Before you go, can you just pass the message on to Matt? Even if it doesn’t get on the show.”

The gentleman I spoke to said that he would. I thanked him and we said goodbye.

But, as I went back into the parlor to watch the show with my husband, I felt the vague stirrings of irritation. The first caller that did make it past the screener talked about speaking to spirits and feeling like he was being sucked out of his eyeballs. Was that more interesting? Was that what they wanted to hear from me? “I felt the presence of the gods comforting me.” “I felt the power of Sekhmet.” I could easily have said either of these things; would that have worked? My call would have been very short; it seems like they could have taken me if they’d wanted to. I’m trying not to obsess over this, but my brain naturally obsesses over stuff. It always has, and it’s something that, at age 55, I am actively trying to kick, but like Charlie Brown, I find that Lucy keeps pulling the ball out from under me.

Anyway, I don’t know the reasons Matt is leaving; he said he might address it in a different forum some other time. I hope he’s well; I know he’s had his share of health issues. In fact, my husband and I were celebrating the departure of his eye patch when he took our breath away with the announcement of his own departure.

Take it easy, Matt. Maybe you and I will get to talk some other time.